Humorous Snowballs
by The Dark Knight's Revenge
Summary: The houses hold a snowball fight every year, and as per usual... chaos ensues. What else could happen when everyone interprets Wood's every sentence as an extremely dirty joke and rib him to no end? MASS HILARITY, that's what.


Snow lay blanketed over the Hogwarts grounds, laying out the plans of the day for every Gryffindor male, whether they liked it or not.

These plans, as it so happens, were for the house snowball fight. A sport every man participated in or else... The women watched from the windows, cheering on their favorites and throwing projectiles at their... unfavored.

Harry, Ron, Fred and George ran out into the snow, instantly sinking in to their knees. For a second, it looked like the fun would be over before it even began, but then...

"Good thing Hermione knew that snow repellant charm" Ron said, and the other grinned. The proceeded on down to the lawn, where two large forts were being constructed by the first and second years. The older boys made the younger ones do it, since the midgets were utterly useless for anything else.

"I really hope we don't get put with Slytherins this year. We've been lucky so far" Harry mused as he rubbed his hands together.

"They'd be more useful than Hufflepuff" George replied, stepping behind Fred as a first year in a yellow scarf glared viciously.

"I don't fancy Terry Boot charming snowballs at my head, either. Ravenclaws have terrible aim" Fred added, looking around for his twin, who was currently using him as a shield from the miniscule hufflepuff.

"Hate to say it, but you've just set us up to have to take on everyone" Harry said dully.

"Naw, Harry-" Ron started, but was interrupted by a snowball to the face.

"OI!" He yelled at the small Hufflepuff George had offended. The first year had missed trying to get the twin, and showed more grit than ay Hufflepuff ever had. Harry and the twins laughed as Ron told the first year off, turning more and more red as the Hufflepuff just blinked at him.

Finally, when it looked like Harry and the twins' lungs would explode from laughing, and Ron's face would combust from yelling, the hufflepuff burst into tears, running for the castle.

He didn't get far, some Slytherin with good aim felled him with a single snowball, and the Hufflepuff lay still, sprawled in the snow.

Ron turned around, nostrils flaring.

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?" He yelled, his hat with the earflaps coming askew. Fred, George and Harry lay in a heap, barely able to breath.

"All right, you lot. Fun's over" Oliver Wood came striding up, pulling Harry to his feet in one smooth motion.

"Fancy helping us, too?" Fred asked, his voice muffled by George's armpit. Oliver ignored the twins completely and began whispering battle strategies in Harry's ear, the chosen one's eyes instantly crossing.

"Look, Oliver. Shut up before I throw a snowball at you" Ron said, his color returning to normal. Oliver puffed up, looking very much like he would care to say wher ROn could shove his snowball, but thought better of it.

Instead, he dragged Harry off to the front lines to show him the newest fortifications he had been planning all summer.

A little known fact about Oliver Wood. In addition to his religious study of Quidditch, he also spent his time plotting snowball fights.

Who knew?

Harry had been so surprised by this revelation in his first year that he had nearly fallen off his broomstick when Wood mentioned it during practice one night.

_"You know, Potter. A good Quidditch defense is like the snowfort in the winter. I myself can't wait until the weather turns..."_

_"What's snow got to do with Quidditch?" Harry had asked, ignoring the eye rolling coming from his teammates. _

_"Oh, Potter... Everything" Wood had said, winking. Fred then filled them in on what Wood had been doing while shut up in his room all summer long. _

_Harry unexpectedly tipped sideways off his broom, landing on the ground ten feet below, the wind whooshing out of him. _

_"You didn't have to put it like that, Weasley. You made it sound like i'm some dirty wanker during the summer" Oliver's annoyed tone came from above. _

_"That's all right, Wood. We already know you're one during the other seasons too" _

_The chase that ensued lasted until both Wood and George Weasley collapsed in exhaustion on the common room floor, five hours later, exhausted. _

"You know, Potter. I don't recall you finding my lecture on proper ball rolling technique all that funny" Oliver's annoyed voice intruded on his thoughts.

"You're completely right, Oliver" Harry said absently. "I'm afraid I missed your whole spiel on balls"

The group gathered around Wood exploded into peals of laughter, Fred and George making catcalls from the back. Oliver had turned almost as red as his Gryffindor scarf.

"Now, listen here Potter-"

"No, really. Go on. Don't interrupt this fascinating lecture on how exactly we should be rolling our balls, Oliver" Harry interrupted, causing a nearby Hufflepuff to choke.

Oliver's reply was cut off by a shout from the front lines.

"The flag's gone up!"

When the forts were finished constructing, their flag was raised, a combination of the two team's house colors. A blue and green banner was waving gracefully in the wind opposite them.

Once the flags were both raised, they would meet in the dead zone to trade players and set rules. Then, they played.

"How long until we can raise the flagpole?" Wood bellowed.

"Depends on what kind of turn-on we have" George replied, snickering as Wood turned purple. "Ah, i'm sorry wood. I meant turn out... Just a simple slip"

"Slip, my bollocks" Wood grumbled.

"Really, now Wood. You told us to ROLL them" Fred chimed. Wood stalked off, the twins following in tow.

Harry looked out at the blue and green flag. Judging by the morning's hilarity already, he judged that it was going to be a pretty good day.

He had no idea what chaos would ensue.


End file.
